Lovest Thou Me...?

Shepherds watch. Understand. Learn. Grow. Feed. But mostly, they're known to inspire. Now, I'm not talking about those shepherds that watch over animals, but rather the Shepherds that watch over us.
Now, there are many comparisons for our personal shepherds and those shepherds that watch over those wooly animals.
The first that I really picked up on is their constant watch over their flock. Both are looking for times to help their flock grow and become better, stronger more aware of what's happening. They are always watching for the lost lambs, for those they can help, for those they must work on to get them where they need to be. They both are trying to get their sheep to return. When the time comes, they do all they can to get their herd back where they can have their rest. The stronger the lame is, the better the shepherd is as well.
The second is that they are always there at the exact moment that the lamb needs them the most. It's not even that they know when the lamb needs them, they're just there. They're able to understand their lambs whether or not the lamb knows the call that the shepherd is calling them with, the lamb understands. It's funny that the shepherd will be there whenever the lamb is in trouble with all sorts of animals, whether that's sin or just motivation, the shepherd is going to be there for that lamb when the lamb calls. The shepherd may not even hear the lambs call, it may be that someone else hears it and they understand that the shepherd needs to be with their lamb, either way the shepherd understands and is there to make sure ever lamb is there and ready to fulfill all they need to.
The last thing I'll mention is that the shepherd never loses track of his lambs. He never gets them confused even though to others, ever sheep looks the same. He knows each by name. He hears each calling to him seperately. What sounds like the same call to most people is much different to the shepherd. From the time that the lamb is just a baby, it is known personally on some level from that shepherd. The lamb may not totally understand who it's master is, but it knows that there is someone there that is helping it along the way. It may never discover who their shepherd is, but it knows for a surety that there is something there, driving it slowly to where it needs to be, where it'll be it's safest.
I love that I have so many shepherds listening to the calls of my heart and prayers. It's a privilege to be able to talk about the shepherds that have given me hope. Today there have been two that have stood out to me. They've been there to remotivate, to relieve to reconnect me to where I need to be headed. What an honor it is to be called one of their lambs.

 

They are feeding His sheep.

Confusion

I know I'm 19. It's hard for me because not so deep down, I'm seriously 8. But really, I'm not that old. I still watch cartoons and read little kid books that take me now 5 minutes. I still love playing dress up with my nieces and being there Prince. I still love just hanging with the younger kids in my ward and show. I don't know what it is, I just can't let go and grow up like 1 Corinthians says!
One of my favorite shows to watch is called Pokemon. It's a bunch of little monsters that you have to catch and become the Pokemaster. Ash Ketchum is the leader of this show and he's absolutely AMAZING at raising pokemon and creating a great team of these little monsters.
I don't know what it is, but I just love this show. One of my favorite moves that the Pokemon does is called, Confuse Ray. What it does is it simply confuses the Pokemon that it is used on, and it makes that Pokemon hurt itself. Sometimes it can hurt the other Pokemon, but most times it just affects itself.
I think that lots of times we cause ourselves to use Confuse Ray on ourselves. We hurt ourselves through our confusion. We ended up hurting ourselves because of how confused we really are. We get caught in the middle of our own monster fights and use confusion through the midst of the fights.
The Book of Mormon has hundreds of examples about how useless war is unless you're fighting for the right reasons, defending your cause. Those armies that fight for the wrong reasons do win sometimes, but end up in a whole bunch of confusion from the different ways they end up hurting themselves. It's not so fun when someone hurts themselves in their own battle.
Try to stay away from that confuse ray at all costs. There's no pointing in hurting anyone through a fight, especially yourself.
Food For Thought :)

Christmas... Need I Say More?!

Family fun. Food. Prime Rib. Candy. Mission. Mission MISSION MISSION M-I-S-S-I-O-N!!!! Perfect words.
The best part about this wonderful day was holding a baby. The baby that I love.
Alexander Daveline is my nephew. He is SO cute and him and I are just... Best of friends. I love him with all my heart but today was extra special for me.
I noticed that when we were together that years ago, this day, Mary was holding a pure baby. A baby boy named, Jesus. He was the one to save our souls. Did she know what she was holding? Yes. Did she know who she was holding? Yes. Did she know EVERYTHING that he would do and go through? No way.
Did I know what I was holding? Yes. Did I know who I was holding? Yes. Do I know what he will do in his life? No. Do I know what pain he will cause those ladies? Yes haha. He'll be just like his uncle, I can tell!
Each and every time I see him I make sure he knows 3 things.
That I love him
That I'll ALWAYS be here for him
That he as family is more important than anything else
Sometimes I wonder if babies can read our emotions with out us saying anything. He could tell how happy I was when I got to hold him.
I was humbled at the Christmas we had this year. His parents, Andrea and Adam gave each other the most precious gifts. They weren't expensive, but all from the heart. And you could tell on their faces that's what was needed, wanted, loved. Amy and Brock gave each other gifts but focused on the joy of Sammi and her gifts. Beth and Brian both went over their budgets but had love in the eyes of each other for the chance they had to just be with each other on this day.
My parents were over joyed at the time they had to be with their family, the many kids that they haven't spent time with like this in a long time.
I love love. I love my family.
Perfection is with the family, that's why my message on my mission is always somehow connected to family love. The Saviors love is all about brotherly love and family love as well.
Food for thought :D

Fredette Fre Real!

My Hero: Jimmer Fredette... P.S. This is WITHOUT and zooming in... He was LITERALLY a foot in front of me... :D



Davies on the dunk RIGHT before half! The guy in the suit is right in front of me and that's the UTEP coach!




Struttin' in his home... His house!

 Sweating like pigs. HD performances. Running up and down the court, trying to get that win, trying to please the crowd. Down by ten in the first few minutes. Come back. COMEBACK COMBACK!!!! All that's running through my head is that wonderful word. My cap is flipped out. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good game. I'm also a sucker for a great seat. Well, who knew that you could sit ON THE COURT?!?! I sure didn't!!!! Until it happened. Like magic. My brother-in-law, Brian Grimmett works for CougTube, a sports program that broadcasts all of the BYU sporting events and it so happened that he owned an extra press pass that no one was using at the time. So he invited me. Now, I feel bad for missing Savior of the World and, of course, the one night I miss, Elder Neil L. Andersen shows up to talk to our cast, but it was  decision that I believe was for the better.
I learned so much about myself, my career and my dreams. Playing for BYU is now a dream. Something that I WISH I would've dreamed about before this so I could work harder to get where I needed too, but it was amazing to find out so much about myself! I learned what kind of heroes I have and how great the people of the BYU basketball team are! They were so studly in their press room questions. They answered them with ease and with confidence and very politely! They treated the opponents, UTEP as friends, not as foes. They never through a cheap shot and loved talking to them on and off the court.
Being in the press room was amazing. I want to do this for the rest of my life. I want to interview sports players. I want to sit at these games. This is a new goal.
I believe goals and dreams are of up most importance. With out one, you can't have the other, and without either you can't have a wonderful life.
GO COUGARS!!!!

Taken Out

I guess I asked for it. Or in some way felt like it. I guess it was in between the lines. Lines I didn't say. I guess it was something that had been coming for a long time. I guess weeks is too long to wait, to long to stay, to long to hope for. I guess I'm just not worth the wait. I guess what they say is true, You let the things go that you love, and if they don't come back they were never yours to begin with. I guess I never had what I wanted. It was more of a rental until now, and I am now charged the late fee, the pain that I feel is what's overdue, long overdue I guess.
It must've been a dream, thinking that two weeks would be worth, that it'd work it out, that it'd make it a little better. I guess I was off. I guess it only draws further, makes worse, hurts more than ever. I guess you're right. Maybe you've let go. Maybe you've let go for good. Maybe you meant all your wrote. Maybe that's all she wrote.
I guess I let go..? I guess I give up, save the text, take it back, throw it away. I guess I keep my eyes up and forward. Two weeks is fifty times longer than two years and I guess that's too long as well. All say who cares you're leaving. Who cares it's over. Who cares you've got bigger and better. Well, I care. I care I CARE! Geez. It's not obsession, it's a general caring feeling.
You're happier now. It's easier off. You've found who you love being with. 'The ones you love the most.'. The most. Not up there. The most. I was removed, replaced not renewed as I hoped.
I'm sure you're happier with them. With him. You know who him is. He's your favorite hot cocoa. He's your godly voice. Your angel eyes. I'm a stunt double. A look a like. A voice over. I'll never be him. Never.
I'm sorry, but I'm better. More prepared. More where I need to be. More where I should be.
But he's there. You're aware of him. Trying to get to him, with him, you miss him.
Your tears are not for me. But miss for him. For her. For him, him, him, him, him and him.
You missed them. Loathed to be with them. Love being around them. Wish for more of THEM.
You saw me. Hated me. Wanted to forget about me. About us. Wished you'd never seen me. Known me.
Christmas break is great. With out me. With out worrying about us. With out the pain. With out ME.
You're happier now. Happier away. Happier without. Happier without... Me... One word that makes you happy when it's gone, and sad when it's near. It's pressure. It's pain. It's heartache. It leaves and you feel happiness, joy, love. Me. Me. Me. ME.
You don't want to come. See. Feel. Help. Hold. Love. That word. Want to stay away. Apart. Against.
Anything but near you simple want me
Taken out.

What I've Been Working For

My bishop told me once, "You're mission is obviously really important, but what's more important is what happens in the temple before you go."
I kinda laughed a little at what he said. I mean, my mission is two years, the temple session I would attend is only a few hours. Little did I know what would ensue on this sacred, hallowed ground.
The sacred tihngs that are part of the ceremony only testified of our Heavenly Fathers love for his children, me bening one of them.
While sitting in one of the most beautiful rooms I've ever sat in, I had so many things come to me, the most important of which was this feeling. I love you.
I love you... Three words that we hear everyday from friends, family and always, our Heavenly Father, even if we don't always hear it. I can't even explain the feeling of pure love I had for each and every person I came in contact with after that expression of love from my Father.
I've said that phrase to many people. I've heard it from just as many. I've never understood the true meaning of love until that moment in time. Until I felt that pure 100% love. There is nothing that can match or imitate that love, that true joy.
The Book of Mormon defines joy as the potential to be like God. I thought I understood joy in past moments in my life but I truly felt the joy of others in the past when their first temple session occured. I wish I could explain in words, I'm struggling to be able to put it into words understood by anyone other than those who have before gone through.
I thought that revelation was something that testifies to me the truth of things and I guess I was partially right. But this truth was one I had never prayed for or even considered. Love.
And that love is what I've been working all my life to feel.
Food For Thought :)

Keep On Keepin' On!

Keep going.
Keep pushing.
Keep busy.
Keep hungry.
Keep serving.
Keep believing.
Keep feasting.
Keep enjoying.
Don't keep thinking about it.
Don't veer.
Don't be tempted.
Don't stop.
Don't give up.
Don't give in.
Don't fret.
Do more.
Do better.
Do less.
Do not.
Do it.
Do all.
Carry on.
Carry more.
Carry less.
This is my list of how to be successful missionary. Snap. Well, gotta do it. Pretty sure the rewards are more than worth it.
Do it all.
Do it well.
Food For Thought :)

Ready for Readiness

What can I say? I'm absolutely heart broken. Literally I feel like my heart is dead. I want to make contact. I want to see. I want to hug her... But I can't. Why? Because I'm ready to be ready. I'm ready to learn to grow to become to see to hear but most importantly, ready to be ready to teach. I want to be in the field. I can't help but want this. I need to go and I'm sorry for the pain I cause along the way. I've decided my shepherd is more important than my wants.
I'm in the right place.
I'm in the rigth readiness.
I'm in the right mind.
I'll be in the right place.
I'll be there at the right time.
I'll be there with the right people.
Look out world, here I am. Ready me :)

Genie Without My Bottle...

Wishes. Everyone makes them. Some make them through candles, some make them through coins, some through bones, some even wish through prayer. Whatever way we do it, we all catch ourselves doing it sometime in our lives. We do it in many languages. We all wish. We all wish to a higher power and let's be real, not many of those wishes actually come true, yet we still wish, each time with more and more determination, each time praying a little more for that wish.

Why do we wish? No one can really explain why humans wish. Some religions believe that their wishes will come true, if they're righteous enough to their own laws. To their own commandments. Those of us who don't have that applied to our life still wish with just as much determination and hope as the time before. As humans we're trained to give up after so many tries. It's not worth it if you don't get it one the 3,4,5,6 etc. try. Yet, with wishing, it's up to us. We continue to wish for the same things over and over and over and over again, hoping that THIS time it'll happen. No? Maybe THIS time is the time... No? Then THIS time for sure, spending 100's on pennies just to press our luck, buying rabbits foot after rabbits foot till we have a whole pack of rabbits feet on our key chains, slowly pulling down our pants from the weight in our pocket.

I've decided that I'm going to be a genie, without a bottle of course. I don't think there's a bottle that can hold my 6'5" body, so I've decided to do this non-bottle act. It won't cost anyone a penny! Those fountains are like a slot machine, rarely do you win on your first try, so they make you lose so you come back for more and more, but with this Genie, Jonny the Genie, you won't have to pay at all. your wishes will come true without anything on your part, other than the wish.

Here's my challenge, be someone's genie. It doesn't have to be anything huge, not in the least bit. Don't go buy a new house for someone or anything like that, just answer the small wishes to one or two people, and your wonderful job at granting those wishes might add up to a few pennies worth of labor. But I promise that it'll bring a smile everytime. :)

So come on. Many americans are out of work, let's take the Genies jobs!
Food For Thought

Better Off

When does something go from better off with you to better off without you? I was trying to relate this to the scriptures and it hit me, finally. Jonathan and David were best friends. They were as brotherly as two friends can get, really. Jonathan loved David with all his heart. He cared for David more than most people care for their own siblings. It wasn't a question of if he loved him, he showed it greatly and showed it through his example and through his actions. Jonathan loved David so much that he let David go and helped him escape as safely as possible. He didn't make David go, but knew that David would be happier with out him, with out his stresses weighing upon David.

I was thinking about that, reading some other stuff and realizing, maybe it's not that I need to mend wounds, stop fights and take back words. Maybe I just need to let go. Maybe some people really would be happier with out my stresses and bad attitude weighing upon them. Maybe, like the Jonathan of old, I need to let others go because they'll be safer and happier away from me, from my life, from my personality.

Jonathan saw it in David. He saw that David was happier when David wasn't within the castle walls. He saw that though David would say he was just happy with where he was with Jonathan, Jonathan saw the proof that David was better off with other people.

Well, if you know your bible stories, Jonathan was right. David became a great king instead of the shepherd boy he once was. Jonathan ended up dying for a great cause while remaining a worthy servant to his Heavenly Father. Both were better off or just as good without the other.

Point of this rant? Sometimes, though I feel like I need others, they're happier without me. They're in a better place without my personal problems weighing down on me and them. In Children of Eden it says, 'The hardest part of love, and the rarest part of love, is the letting go.' If I love someone, the greatest act of love I can do for them, is to let them go and be free of our troubles.

I know there are many out there that we grow better with each other because my heart is right, but to others, especially my David, I feel like they are happier without me. They don't want to tell me straight out that they want to go, but they aren't as peaceful and happy when they're with me compared to without.

To keep or not to keep, that is the ultimate question.
Food For Thought...

Thinking thoughful thoughts of thinks

It's on your mind. It never leaves. It just... Sits there. Being... There. It doesn't do much but bug you and make you want to pull it out of your brain yourself. It just bugs and bugs and bugs and makes you more and more and more and MORE AND MORE mad... And its not the thought that's making you mad, it's that you refuse to do something about it. Refuse to give in. Refuse to stop being stubborn because that's not strong. Well, why not be weak and let this thing die? There's no reason to keep pushing and being stubborn, whatever it is that you're being stubborn about... Either give up or give in... There's no point in dragging something out, ever. If it's not worth giving in for, give it up to someone else who will give in. That to me is love. That to me is strength. Weakness is stubborn. Weakness is giving up. Giving in is strength, and brings great power. If it's not your to give in to, it'll be someone else's to cherish.

Like Chuck-A-Rama, it's your choice, but unlike it, you only get one choice and can't feast on others choices if you're going to make the right one.

Food For Thought

What's in a tear?

What's in a tear? Exactly why do we cry these tears? It can't always just be feelings... Can it? I mean, we all know that we cry when we feel things strongly, right? We cry the most when we're overcome with sadness, pain, happiness, hate or fear. There are so many songs in this day and age about tears and crying over loved ones, break ups or physical ouchies.

I believe there's one common factor in each one of these. Now it may be a stretch, but stay with me on this one. The Holy Ghost is behind each and every one of these crying moments, whether before or after the tears, He's there.

If you notice, after each painful encounter, after each heartache, there is a feeling of peace. That peace may come after 10 minutes or 10 years, but after the pain is over, there's peace. A peace only brought by one thing and that's the Holy Ghost. He understands that whoever you are, where ever you are, we all need comfort to finish off  the situation and give us our total peaceful end. That's a promise of this Holy Spirit we've been blessed with. That's why it's here, to guide and to heal.

Our Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ are here of course to give us peace, but sometimes They give us that wonderful peace through the Holy Ghost and His comforting power. Our Saviors love is felt through that comfort. I know I've felt His hands dry my tears over and over in my life through this comforting spirit.

I wish somedays that I could remember the loving spirit that will bring me comfort faster when I'm shedding those tears...
Food For Thought..