Lovest Thou Me...?

Shepherds watch. Understand. Learn. Grow. Feed. But mostly, they're known to inspire. Now, I'm not talking about those shepherds that watch over animals, but rather the Shepherds that watch over us.
Now, there are many comparisons for our personal shepherds and those shepherds that watch over those wooly animals.
The first that I really picked up on is their constant watch over their flock. Both are looking for times to help their flock grow and become better, stronger more aware of what's happening. They are always watching for the lost lambs, for those they can help, for those they must work on to get them where they need to be. They both are trying to get their sheep to return. When the time comes, they do all they can to get their herd back where they can have their rest. The stronger the lame is, the better the shepherd is as well.
The second is that they are always there at the exact moment that the lamb needs them the most. It's not even that they know when the lamb needs them, they're just there. They're able to understand their lambs whether or not the lamb knows the call that the shepherd is calling them with, the lamb understands. It's funny that the shepherd will be there whenever the lamb is in trouble with all sorts of animals, whether that's sin or just motivation, the shepherd is going to be there for that lamb when the lamb calls. The shepherd may not even hear the lambs call, it may be that someone else hears it and they understand that the shepherd needs to be with their lamb, either way the shepherd understands and is there to make sure ever lamb is there and ready to fulfill all they need to.
The last thing I'll mention is that the shepherd never loses track of his lambs. He never gets them confused even though to others, ever sheep looks the same. He knows each by name. He hears each calling to him seperately. What sounds like the same call to most people is much different to the shepherd. From the time that the lamb is just a baby, it is known personally on some level from that shepherd. The lamb may not totally understand who it's master is, but it knows that there is someone there that is helping it along the way. It may never discover who their shepherd is, but it knows for a surety that there is something there, driving it slowly to where it needs to be, where it'll be it's safest.
I love that I have so many shepherds listening to the calls of my heart and prayers. It's a privilege to be able to talk about the shepherds that have given me hope. Today there have been two that have stood out to me. They've been there to remotivate, to relieve to reconnect me to where I need to be headed. What an honor it is to be called one of their lambs.

 

They are feeding His sheep.

Confusion

I know I'm 19. It's hard for me because not so deep down, I'm seriously 8. But really, I'm not that old. I still watch cartoons and read little kid books that take me now 5 minutes. I still love playing dress up with my nieces and being there Prince. I still love just hanging with the younger kids in my ward and show. I don't know what it is, I just can't let go and grow up like 1 Corinthians says!
One of my favorite shows to watch is called Pokemon. It's a bunch of little monsters that you have to catch and become the Pokemaster. Ash Ketchum is the leader of this show and he's absolutely AMAZING at raising pokemon and creating a great team of these little monsters.
I don't know what it is, but I just love this show. One of my favorite moves that the Pokemon does is called, Confuse Ray. What it does is it simply confuses the Pokemon that it is used on, and it makes that Pokemon hurt itself. Sometimes it can hurt the other Pokemon, but most times it just affects itself.
I think that lots of times we cause ourselves to use Confuse Ray on ourselves. We hurt ourselves through our confusion. We ended up hurting ourselves because of how confused we really are. We get caught in the middle of our own monster fights and use confusion through the midst of the fights.
The Book of Mormon has hundreds of examples about how useless war is unless you're fighting for the right reasons, defending your cause. Those armies that fight for the wrong reasons do win sometimes, but end up in a whole bunch of confusion from the different ways they end up hurting themselves. It's not so fun when someone hurts themselves in their own battle.
Try to stay away from that confuse ray at all costs. There's no pointing in hurting anyone through a fight, especially yourself.
Food For Thought :)

Christmas... Need I Say More?!

Family fun. Food. Prime Rib. Candy. Mission. Mission MISSION MISSION M-I-S-S-I-O-N!!!! Perfect words.
The best part about this wonderful day was holding a baby. The baby that I love.
Alexander Daveline is my nephew. He is SO cute and him and I are just... Best of friends. I love him with all my heart but today was extra special for me.
I noticed that when we were together that years ago, this day, Mary was holding a pure baby. A baby boy named, Jesus. He was the one to save our souls. Did she know what she was holding? Yes. Did she know who she was holding? Yes. Did she know EVERYTHING that he would do and go through? No way.
Did I know what I was holding? Yes. Did I know who I was holding? Yes. Do I know what he will do in his life? No. Do I know what pain he will cause those ladies? Yes haha. He'll be just like his uncle, I can tell!
Each and every time I see him I make sure he knows 3 things.
That I love him
That I'll ALWAYS be here for him
That he as family is more important than anything else
Sometimes I wonder if babies can read our emotions with out us saying anything. He could tell how happy I was when I got to hold him.
I was humbled at the Christmas we had this year. His parents, Andrea and Adam gave each other the most precious gifts. They weren't expensive, but all from the heart. And you could tell on their faces that's what was needed, wanted, loved. Amy and Brock gave each other gifts but focused on the joy of Sammi and her gifts. Beth and Brian both went over their budgets but had love in the eyes of each other for the chance they had to just be with each other on this day.
My parents were over joyed at the time they had to be with their family, the many kids that they haven't spent time with like this in a long time.
I love love. I love my family.
Perfection is with the family, that's why my message on my mission is always somehow connected to family love. The Saviors love is all about brotherly love and family love as well.
Food for thought :D

Fredette Fre Real!

My Hero: Jimmer Fredette... P.S. This is WITHOUT and zooming in... He was LITERALLY a foot in front of me... :D



Davies on the dunk RIGHT before half! The guy in the suit is right in front of me and that's the UTEP coach!




Struttin' in his home... His house!

 Sweating like pigs. HD performances. Running up and down the court, trying to get that win, trying to please the crowd. Down by ten in the first few minutes. Come back. COMEBACK COMBACK!!!! All that's running through my head is that wonderful word. My cap is flipped out. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good game. I'm also a sucker for a great seat. Well, who knew that you could sit ON THE COURT?!?! I sure didn't!!!! Until it happened. Like magic. My brother-in-law, Brian Grimmett works for CougTube, a sports program that broadcasts all of the BYU sporting events and it so happened that he owned an extra press pass that no one was using at the time. So he invited me. Now, I feel bad for missing Savior of the World and, of course, the one night I miss, Elder Neil L. Andersen shows up to talk to our cast, but it was  decision that I believe was for the better.
I learned so much about myself, my career and my dreams. Playing for BYU is now a dream. Something that I WISH I would've dreamed about before this so I could work harder to get where I needed too, but it was amazing to find out so much about myself! I learned what kind of heroes I have and how great the people of the BYU basketball team are! They were so studly in their press room questions. They answered them with ease and with confidence and very politely! They treated the opponents, UTEP as friends, not as foes. They never through a cheap shot and loved talking to them on and off the court.
Being in the press room was amazing. I want to do this for the rest of my life. I want to interview sports players. I want to sit at these games. This is a new goal.
I believe goals and dreams are of up most importance. With out one, you can't have the other, and without either you can't have a wonderful life.
GO COUGARS!!!!

Taken Out

I guess I asked for it. Or in some way felt like it. I guess it was in between the lines. Lines I didn't say. I guess it was something that had been coming for a long time. I guess weeks is too long to wait, to long to stay, to long to hope for. I guess I'm just not worth the wait. I guess what they say is true, You let the things go that you love, and if they don't come back they were never yours to begin with. I guess I never had what I wanted. It was more of a rental until now, and I am now charged the late fee, the pain that I feel is what's overdue, long overdue I guess.
It must've been a dream, thinking that two weeks would be worth, that it'd work it out, that it'd make it a little better. I guess I was off. I guess it only draws further, makes worse, hurts more than ever. I guess you're right. Maybe you've let go. Maybe you've let go for good. Maybe you meant all your wrote. Maybe that's all she wrote.
I guess I let go..? I guess I give up, save the text, take it back, throw it away. I guess I keep my eyes up and forward. Two weeks is fifty times longer than two years and I guess that's too long as well. All say who cares you're leaving. Who cares it's over. Who cares you've got bigger and better. Well, I care. I care I CARE! Geez. It's not obsession, it's a general caring feeling.
You're happier now. It's easier off. You've found who you love being with. 'The ones you love the most.'. The most. Not up there. The most. I was removed, replaced not renewed as I hoped.
I'm sure you're happier with them. With him. You know who him is. He's your favorite hot cocoa. He's your godly voice. Your angel eyes. I'm a stunt double. A look a like. A voice over. I'll never be him. Never.
I'm sorry, but I'm better. More prepared. More where I need to be. More where I should be.
But he's there. You're aware of him. Trying to get to him, with him, you miss him.
Your tears are not for me. But miss for him. For her. For him, him, him, him, him and him.
You missed them. Loathed to be with them. Love being around them. Wish for more of THEM.
You saw me. Hated me. Wanted to forget about me. About us. Wished you'd never seen me. Known me.
Christmas break is great. With out me. With out worrying about us. With out the pain. With out ME.
You're happier now. Happier away. Happier without. Happier without... Me... One word that makes you happy when it's gone, and sad when it's near. It's pressure. It's pain. It's heartache. It leaves and you feel happiness, joy, love. Me. Me. Me. ME.
You don't want to come. See. Feel. Help. Hold. Love. That word. Want to stay away. Apart. Against.
Anything but near you simple want me
Taken out.

What I've Been Working For

My bishop told me once, "You're mission is obviously really important, but what's more important is what happens in the temple before you go."
I kinda laughed a little at what he said. I mean, my mission is two years, the temple session I would attend is only a few hours. Little did I know what would ensue on this sacred, hallowed ground.
The sacred tihngs that are part of the ceremony only testified of our Heavenly Fathers love for his children, me bening one of them.
While sitting in one of the most beautiful rooms I've ever sat in, I had so many things come to me, the most important of which was this feeling. I love you.
I love you... Three words that we hear everyday from friends, family and always, our Heavenly Father, even if we don't always hear it. I can't even explain the feeling of pure love I had for each and every person I came in contact with after that expression of love from my Father.
I've said that phrase to many people. I've heard it from just as many. I've never understood the true meaning of love until that moment in time. Until I felt that pure 100% love. There is nothing that can match or imitate that love, that true joy.
The Book of Mormon defines joy as the potential to be like God. I thought I understood joy in past moments in my life but I truly felt the joy of others in the past when their first temple session occured. I wish I could explain in words, I'm struggling to be able to put it into words understood by anyone other than those who have before gone through.
I thought that revelation was something that testifies to me the truth of things and I guess I was partially right. But this truth was one I had never prayed for or even considered. Love.
And that love is what I've been working all my life to feel.
Food For Thought :)

Keep On Keepin' On!

Keep going.
Keep pushing.
Keep busy.
Keep hungry.
Keep serving.
Keep believing.
Keep feasting.
Keep enjoying.
Don't keep thinking about it.
Don't veer.
Don't be tempted.
Don't stop.
Don't give up.
Don't give in.
Don't fret.
Do more.
Do better.
Do less.
Do not.
Do it.
Do all.
Carry on.
Carry more.
Carry less.
This is my list of how to be successful missionary. Snap. Well, gotta do it. Pretty sure the rewards are more than worth it.
Do it all.
Do it well.
Food For Thought :)

Ready for Readiness

What can I say? I'm absolutely heart broken. Literally I feel like my heart is dead. I want to make contact. I want to see. I want to hug her... But I can't. Why? Because I'm ready to be ready. I'm ready to learn to grow to become to see to hear but most importantly, ready to be ready to teach. I want to be in the field. I can't help but want this. I need to go and I'm sorry for the pain I cause along the way. I've decided my shepherd is more important than my wants.
I'm in the right place.
I'm in the rigth readiness.
I'm in the right mind.
I'll be in the right place.
I'll be there at the right time.
I'll be there with the right people.
Look out world, here I am. Ready me :)

Genie Without My Bottle...

Wishes. Everyone makes them. Some make them through candles, some make them through coins, some through bones, some even wish through prayer. Whatever way we do it, we all catch ourselves doing it sometime in our lives. We do it in many languages. We all wish. We all wish to a higher power and let's be real, not many of those wishes actually come true, yet we still wish, each time with more and more determination, each time praying a little more for that wish.

Why do we wish? No one can really explain why humans wish. Some religions believe that their wishes will come true, if they're righteous enough to their own laws. To their own commandments. Those of us who don't have that applied to our life still wish with just as much determination and hope as the time before. As humans we're trained to give up after so many tries. It's not worth it if you don't get it one the 3,4,5,6 etc. try. Yet, with wishing, it's up to us. We continue to wish for the same things over and over and over and over again, hoping that THIS time it'll happen. No? Maybe THIS time is the time... No? Then THIS time for sure, spending 100's on pennies just to press our luck, buying rabbits foot after rabbits foot till we have a whole pack of rabbits feet on our key chains, slowly pulling down our pants from the weight in our pocket.

I've decided that I'm going to be a genie, without a bottle of course. I don't think there's a bottle that can hold my 6'5" body, so I've decided to do this non-bottle act. It won't cost anyone a penny! Those fountains are like a slot machine, rarely do you win on your first try, so they make you lose so you come back for more and more, but with this Genie, Jonny the Genie, you won't have to pay at all. your wishes will come true without anything on your part, other than the wish.

Here's my challenge, be someone's genie. It doesn't have to be anything huge, not in the least bit. Don't go buy a new house for someone or anything like that, just answer the small wishes to one or two people, and your wonderful job at granting those wishes might add up to a few pennies worth of labor. But I promise that it'll bring a smile everytime. :)

So come on. Many americans are out of work, let's take the Genies jobs!
Food For Thought

Better Off

When does something go from better off with you to better off without you? I was trying to relate this to the scriptures and it hit me, finally. Jonathan and David were best friends. They were as brotherly as two friends can get, really. Jonathan loved David with all his heart. He cared for David more than most people care for their own siblings. It wasn't a question of if he loved him, he showed it greatly and showed it through his example and through his actions. Jonathan loved David so much that he let David go and helped him escape as safely as possible. He didn't make David go, but knew that David would be happier with out him, with out his stresses weighing upon David.

I was thinking about that, reading some other stuff and realizing, maybe it's not that I need to mend wounds, stop fights and take back words. Maybe I just need to let go. Maybe some people really would be happier with out my stresses and bad attitude weighing upon them. Maybe, like the Jonathan of old, I need to let others go because they'll be safer and happier away from me, from my life, from my personality.

Jonathan saw it in David. He saw that David was happier when David wasn't within the castle walls. He saw that though David would say he was just happy with where he was with Jonathan, Jonathan saw the proof that David was better off with other people.

Well, if you know your bible stories, Jonathan was right. David became a great king instead of the shepherd boy he once was. Jonathan ended up dying for a great cause while remaining a worthy servant to his Heavenly Father. Both were better off or just as good without the other.

Point of this rant? Sometimes, though I feel like I need others, they're happier without me. They're in a better place without my personal problems weighing down on me and them. In Children of Eden it says, 'The hardest part of love, and the rarest part of love, is the letting go.' If I love someone, the greatest act of love I can do for them, is to let them go and be free of our troubles.

I know there are many out there that we grow better with each other because my heart is right, but to others, especially my David, I feel like they are happier without me. They don't want to tell me straight out that they want to go, but they aren't as peaceful and happy when they're with me compared to without.

To keep or not to keep, that is the ultimate question.
Food For Thought...

Thinking thoughful thoughts of thinks

It's on your mind. It never leaves. It just... Sits there. Being... There. It doesn't do much but bug you and make you want to pull it out of your brain yourself. It just bugs and bugs and bugs and makes you more and more and more and MORE AND MORE mad... And its not the thought that's making you mad, it's that you refuse to do something about it. Refuse to give in. Refuse to stop being stubborn because that's not strong. Well, why not be weak and let this thing die? There's no reason to keep pushing and being stubborn, whatever it is that you're being stubborn about... Either give up or give in... There's no point in dragging something out, ever. If it's not worth giving in for, give it up to someone else who will give in. That to me is love. That to me is strength. Weakness is stubborn. Weakness is giving up. Giving in is strength, and brings great power. If it's not your to give in to, it'll be someone else's to cherish.

Like Chuck-A-Rama, it's your choice, but unlike it, you only get one choice and can't feast on others choices if you're going to make the right one.

Food For Thought

What's in a tear?

What's in a tear? Exactly why do we cry these tears? It can't always just be feelings... Can it? I mean, we all know that we cry when we feel things strongly, right? We cry the most when we're overcome with sadness, pain, happiness, hate or fear. There are so many songs in this day and age about tears and crying over loved ones, break ups or physical ouchies.

I believe there's one common factor in each one of these. Now it may be a stretch, but stay with me on this one. The Holy Ghost is behind each and every one of these crying moments, whether before or after the tears, He's there.

If you notice, after each painful encounter, after each heartache, there is a feeling of peace. That peace may come after 10 minutes or 10 years, but after the pain is over, there's peace. A peace only brought by one thing and that's the Holy Ghost. He understands that whoever you are, where ever you are, we all need comfort to finish off  the situation and give us our total peaceful end. That's a promise of this Holy Spirit we've been blessed with. That's why it's here, to guide and to heal.

Our Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ are here of course to give us peace, but sometimes They give us that wonderful peace through the Holy Ghost and His comforting power. Our Saviors love is felt through that comfort. I know I've felt His hands dry my tears over and over in my life through this comforting spirit.

I wish somedays that I could remember the loving spirit that will bring me comfort faster when I'm shedding those tears...
Food For Thought..

Missing Mrs. G...

Why do I even miss you? You weren't always there when I was growing up. We ALWAYS fought, in fact, we still do! You never let me hang out with you and your friends. You rarely said you loved me. You never respected my opinion. You always laughed at me. You never gave me anything. You never took me out. You never even smiled at me.

So why do I sit here, and miss ya? Maybe it's because I couldn't see you there, because you were behind me, supporting me. Maybe we really fought because you were trying to help me, save me from myself. Maybe you didn't let me hang with you guys, because you knew how they would treat me. Maybe you didn't have to say you loved me, because you showed it everyday. Maybe you didn't just respect it, but cherished it. Maybe you weren't laughing at me, but with me, all the time. Maybe you gave me everything you could. Maybe you didn't take me out, because you stayed with me when I needed you the most. Maybe I didn't notice you smiling at me, because you were always smiling at me, giving me the courage I've needed.

Maybe you weren't the worst sister ever, but were one of the best. Thanks for being the great sister I've needed to get me where I've needed in my life.

That's why I miss you.

Why to Fight...

Animals fight over territory and strength. The harder you fight the stronger you are. If you can beat the opposite animal in your fight, you are deemed as the stronger animal. You are the winner and the other is... Well, dead. That's how the wild works. That's how these animals work.

Strangely, that's also how humans work. Isn't it funny that we are so much like animals when it comes to this quality? We fight and fight and fight and fight all the time with everyone, if we can. We'll fight over territory sure, and yes we fight over strength, but we fight over the smaller things BEFORE we'll fight over what matters. Think about  it, we fight just like a lion or some other animal would fight. I mean we pay lawyers to fight for us. The better the lawyer, the better the possibility it is for us to win, for us to beat our opponent at this fight. Sure we don't usually kill each other, and I guess that's where the biggest difference lies.

We will fight over and over and over about the smallest subjects, about the weirdest little things and when we fight over things like this, the winner often feels like the loser, the weaker one when the fight is over. That's what makes us the stronger animals. When we fight over the dumb things and win, sure we won the battle, but ultimately we lose the war. It's the dumb little things that most of the time mean the most. It's the small things that lead to the big break ups. It's the small that make the large. The winner than becomes the loser somewhere in this process. Sure it may not come immediately, but you definitely feel it later, especially when the person you love is hurt.

It seems like that's another difference between us and animals. They fight over strength, but it's rarely a fight with family or loved ones. They share territory with their family and only fight when it comes to an enemy. They do all they can to actually protect the ones they love. It seems sometimes that we hurt those we love the most, and for no actual apparent reason sometimes. It seems like we fight all the time with those we love, and for what? If you look back on the fights you have with those you care most about, what was the final outcome? You can probably remember that, but what was the fight over? Nothing is usually the answer for me. I look back and see what we fought over and remember what happened in the end, but can't come to remember what the fight was about.

Why can't we just see the end from the beginning of the fight and decide if the ending is worth it? If we could step back, in the heat of the moment, and look at where the arguement is going, we would be stronger than the animals that fight over tough matters like strength and territory. I can't remember how many fights I've been in, but I need to take this principle in my life and learn to just let it go and move on. I need to learn that I love those people too much to let them go. I need to learn that I shouldn't fight with them over the small stuff that doesn't matter anymore. It always ends up hurting more than helping. I've never had a small fight that has ended in a happy manner, ever. I wish I could've thought of this earlier and realized that it's something that always hinders.

People say, don't keep things bottled up, it's bad for you to keep things in there for years. I say bottle them up and poke some holes in the top so you can let it out! There's no need to keep things bottled up. There's no need to let that bottle get so full it explodes. That's a whole mess of ugly that no one needs to experience or cause. Let drama stay on stage and out of your life. That's what'll bring you true happiness.

Try being more like an animal, it might help when it comes to arguements.
Food for thought :)

The Train Can Always Be Fixed

In 1958 there were two train crashes in the same week. Luckily, no passengers were injured or killed, but the trains were a wreck. Both were not totally destroyed, but they definitely needed some serious fixing up that's for sure. After all of the spilled materials were taken care of, the two companies each got seperate repair men to fix their destroyed trains. One of the repairmen went straight ahead and fixed it up. He didn't talk to anyone about pay or anything like that, he just did the work and finished fixing the train in a few days. His train was then carrying passengers a few days after it's full repair.

The second repair man decided to repair his train a little differently. He demanded pay first. When the company wouldn't give him what he wanted, he refused work. He knew they couldn't find anyone better, so he thought it would be better if he made his demands and remained stubborn until he thought the company would give in. Well, the company never did give in and the train he was asked to fix eventually just got taken apart and used in other machines. The man gave up his chance to fix his train wreck that would profit him. He gave it up because he refused to recieve less, he refused to fix something that wasn't going to be giong his way the whole time.

The first man not only fixed this train, but was able to repair many others and became a very happy man by inventing new, quick ways to fix these trains. He became a valuable resource and a very popular guy.

I promise, I"m not obsessed with trains. But let's compare these train wrecks, and their seperate repair men t relationships and the different ways to fix and or ruin a relationship.

If we follow the first mans actions and not ask what's in it for us, but rather enjoy the work we do and try to make the train or relationship stronger, we will end up fixing the relationship that might have been wrecked during one time or another. We can't always demand everything, we have to give and take. We also can't wait for it to fix itself, or be stubborn about getting all that you want. Just because you WANT something doesn't mean you NEED it. Most of the time we can do with out wants. Sometimes we need wants, but mostly we should focus on wanting needs. When we truly focuse on wanting needs, there we will find true happiness.

If we end up like the man who demands everything. Who won't work because the conditions aren't what he wanted, we will find ourselves very unhappy. He demanded and refused while the other complied and infused. He was able to infuse ideas and still was able to fix the train. He was a lot more successful because he saw the ETERNAL perspective.

Sometimes, when it comes to relationships, we have to not only give and take but give and give and give and give. It's alright. I don't understand why so many men decide that they HAVE to wear the pants. They have to be incharge. They're way too stubborn to actually admit they were wrong or even give when it comes fixing something. When being stubborn, you never really see the end, just the now.

So how many trains can you fix in a day? 1? 10? 1000? We all have different trains in our lives, we can only learn if we fix them correctly and do our best to keep them that way. In there will bring eternal happiness.

And by the way, I hate trains.
Food for thought :)

Year of Halloween

Seeing those cute kids come to my door, dressed as familiar characters and evil witches makes my heart jump for joy! I love seeing them tough strong storms JUST for tradition and of course, the prize of a pillow case of candy. They're always dressed up so nicely. They love, for that one day, being someone else. Being who they want to be, just that once. Just for that one day, they're not told that they're not who they're pretending to be.

I remember my favorite costume I've ever had. The one that I had wanted and thought about for a year. Wolverine. I wanted to be the famous X-Men character tha was rough and wild. He had awesome claws sticking out between his knuckles, but most of all, it was his facial hair that got me. He had the greatest side burns known to man kind. No one, I repeat NO ONE could beat my man Wolverine's sweet facial hair style. He was my hero and I looked up to everything he'd do. Anyway, FINALLY I talked my parents into getting the thirty dollar suit and making some five dollar side burns. I was him. I was THE wolverine. Hugh Jackman, who was that? JON WALKER was the new sheriff in this perfectly groomed, sideburn obsessed town.

I will never forget when pretend became becoming. In my mind, I was no longer little Jonny Walker wearing an overly priced suit made from the cheapest material in the world, I was James Howlett, the feared Wolverine super hero. Though my cheap, plastic claws were bending in half, they looked like the sharpest steel weapons I had ever seen. I wouldn't even touch people for fear of mutilating them. I WAS Wolverine.

I thought back to that great moment, and realized I was now living in a new Halloween costume each year. I put on a mask, and slowly became a new person that I believed was me. I was no longer Jonny Walker that year, but I was a new person. Whether that was for better or for worse, I couldn't tell unless I took off the mask at the end of that year and looked at what I thought I was and realized how great or how rediculous I was being.

I look back to the beginning of last school year and realized how much I've grown since taking of, what I thought, was my cool mask. I've stopped caring about what people think about me, and decided that I should let my face always show. If people don't like the man behind that mask, that's not my problem, and I pray that someday they'll change their minds!

Though sometimes our mask are for better, we must become that masked person. If it improves our lives and draws us closer to our Heavenly Father, don't keep that as a mask any longer, but make that mask you. Become what you love, not what you hate. Often times we'll put on a mask that we thought would be too scary years ago, but because we think it's more mature, we wear it to impress. The only person that matters when it comes to impressions is our Father in Heaven. He sees behind our yearly masks to who we really are. We can't fool Him. No matter how different or scary the masks we wear are, He will pull them away and teach us that those evil, scary masks will only hurt us and cause us pain, even if others feel like they're the cooler ones or the better looking designs.

We must never forget that our Heavenly Father loves us for who we are and for who we hide. Take off the mask and become. Whatever the mask is, whether good or evil, be you and that's where the happiness lies. The the TRUE you. Don't be someone that thinks they are someone else. If we live behind masks, we'll never find who we truly are! Don't make all year a Halloween, keep that for one day a year and use plastic masks.

And don't forget the side burns. They're the most important part. :)
Food for thought!

Our personal 'Special Ops."

There she was. Smiling that beautiful smile I would soon be very familiar with. Those cute chin dimples staring right at me. The nerves set in, you know the type, the kind where it's not just butterflies, those butterflies are cold and they're SWARMING in your stomach. Your stomach starts the shake that leads to the rest of your body not necessarily shaking, but definitely stuttering. Shivers aren't going down your spine, but down your chest. You can't hide that you're staring straight at her because you're afraid if you look away, she'll be gone and you'll never see her again, even though you may see her at school everyday, you don't want to take the chance. She knows you're looking at her because she covers that smile slowly with her right hand, keeping her eyes on you, but whispering to her best friend, who now in turn is staring at you as well. You finally get control of you legs and you take a few steps towards her. She drops her hand, looks away from her friend, and pretends like she doesn't see you. 'Is this a good thing?' your mind questions. You take a few more steps and realize you haven't thought of what you're going to say! You quickly come up with something that you think is going to start a great conversation. She seems like miles away, which must mean she's a mirage, a figment of your imagination, but you finally reach her and she's real. The opportunity arrives and you decide to pursue and say what you had thought up, "Hey, you're a girl." 'Wow, that was it?' your mind screams at you. 'Hold up a second! That came out wrong.', you scream back at your nervous mind. She smiles, an awkward yet friendly, gorgeous smile (which, by the way, only makes matters that much worse because now your knees start to give out), and doesn't know how to answer your idiotic question. You take advantage of this moment, "And you're a great dancer, that's mostly what I was coming over to tell you. I like your dancing... Er I mean thanks for teaching us how to dance today you were a great teacher! I'm really glad you're teaching us cuz... Let's be honest... You're amazing. That will be all."

Awkward? Definitely, but the moral of this long, awkward story is that I seized the day. I took my Special Op (opportunity) and made it mine. I was really scared, I said the wrong thing, but this one Special Op led to what has become one of my most cherished relationships. I took hold of it, trusted that I would say what I needed to (eventually) and approached man's most feared situation with hidden confidence.

We all have been given so many 'Special Ops' each day of our lives. It's rediculous how many we have each and every day. How many of these opportunities do we back down from? I look back at that one day that I could've chosen a totally different path, and I thank the Heavens that for that one moment in time, I 'manned' up and did what needed to be done. I think of what could've happened and how I wouldn't have that one person in my life. I would be much worse off than I am now, and not as strong in my religion. I would not have the love for the gospel that I have attained through her instalation of it in my heart. I'm thankful that I took that one moment and made it mine.

How many moments do we miss because of fear, because of doubt? How many of each of these moments could change our lives forever? We must not only take these moments, but we must REFUSE to let them pass us by! Each moment that we lose is an opportunity missed. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying every person you meet should be looked at as a future spouse, but each could be a future life changer.

So, how about we all learn to conquer this fear. I still haven't. Not even close! But for that one moment I trusted that things would work out as they should and they did! So trust and do!

Oh and watch out for those green eyed, dimple-chinned, brown haired dancers. From my point of view, they're the greatest Special Op's you'll ever take :)
Food for Thought!

Getting 'ripped'

There it was. Lying in two pieces. Just staring at me, looking as if it had tears in its non-existant eyes. It looked like it had been ripped in half by one mad tear, but come to find out, my blanket had been ripping for years and I just never really noticed it. I mean there was this once where there was a fight (not sayin' it was between me and my sister, not sayin' it wasn't) where it may have recieved a ginormous rip right down the center of it, but that was quickly sown again by a loving mother. But the problem still remained, my favorite blanket was torn in two peices, and I knew who the culprit was. It was me. I wasn't aware that I was doing it, but slowly that big rip was re-opened and it ended with my blanket being dessomated.

I think my blanket might have been a metophor for some situations in life and relationships. Sometimes we get a big 'rip' in a relationship with someone else, where it seems like that relationship is over, done for, but it's still held on by a thread or two and over time it is 'sewn' back together making it just as strong or stronger than it was before. The big rip is easy to spot and fix, it's the small ones that kill a relationship over time. You can catch a big rip, you can see it right in front of you and feel the difference, those small rips sometimes are not noticable and go on and on and on... Until they seperate totally, with no chance of a full recovery or become near as great as they were before.

We MUST be careful of the small rips. Many small rips are worse than a big, giant rip. These rips can be anywhere from being too stubborn (that's what all my little rips come from, I'm about as stubborn as they come, but I'm usually too stubborn to admit it) from not being honest and even not fully forgiving and letting go. The big rip can come from the last two especially. But by letting go and forgiving, you create a stronger relationship than what was there before. The little rips come from ALMOST forgiving, but still holding onto things from the past, from not being 100% honest and only being 99.99999%... Those small lies sometimes hurt more than the big ones. Anytime you're stubborn with someone who means a lot to you, it puts a small rip into your relationship.

By catching these small rips early, and re-stitching our relationships, we can grow stronger again and again. Now, being mad at someone who calls you on something like this only hurts your relationships more! Be careful to not cause more rips to an already damaged 'blanket', that could be absolutely detramental to what you're trying to fix and get over. In fact, it'll rip faster and faster the less you change WITH each other. Never change for someone unless it's for the better, but changing WITH someone for good is the best thing that can happen to a relationship to make it stronger.

Relationships are the greatest resources we've been given. They're what gets us through life, and they make life interesting. We should always cherish them and make them one of our priorities, no matter what our situation is. Now if you'll excuse me, my blanket isn't going to stitch itself! MOM!!!!
Food for thought :)

A 'tall' tale of David vs. Goliath

Most people know the famous story of David vs. Goliath. David is a young, skinny boy who is very good at slinging stones. Goliath is a giant, ripped, blood hungry man, who has taken over most of the armies of Israel. So there you have the set up. To those who haven't heard this story, it would seem that Goliath is the obvious champion, and David should end up looking something like Frogger after a failed attempt to cross a freeway. As it turns out, David doesn't resemble Frogger at all, in fact he looks more like Rambo by taking one stone to Goliaths temple and killing him in that one shot. If you're not a religious person, this seems very unusal. This Goliath had torn apart armies that had bows and arrows, sharpened swords and spears. The King of Israel had no answer until this young shepherd boy came along with one stone and a peice of leather. How could a huge giant take arrows to the chest and yet not take one stone to the head? If you're a religious person, you know the answer is simple. David had help from his Heavenly Father. It wasn't just David throwing this stone, but his Father in Heaven empowered David and guided the stone. David was who he was when he was WITH God. Without Heavenly Father, David would've remained that shepherd boy, being guided by insticts and later on would've become a great shepherd man instead of a great king.

Today we have all sorts of Davids around the world. Good, hard working people who are doing all they can to not only better themselves, but better society. Now on the flip side of things, we have Goliaths roaming our earth. They may be 5'4" but they're evil giants. They seek only for their own gain, they seek to conquer man kind by being above everyone. Rarely do we see these Davids overcome their Goliaths. I've always wondered why!

My answer came to me while talking to a friend. She said, "Jonny, one day you're going to be famous (like those giant Goliaths) and I'm going to say to my kids, 'I grew up with him!'". At first I took this as a compliment and got all giddy inside thinking of my classmates telling their kids about how awesome I was and how great it is to know a famous person like me. Then it hit me in that instant, just a small voice told me, "The most important person to be known by is your Heavenly Father.". I realized that I'm not who I am without my Heavenly Father, and that most of these people had lost their sense of 'David' and had gained a sense of 'Goliath', thinking they can take on anyone or anything without anyone because they are larger than life, they are invincible. I quickly texted her back telling her what I heard and that I never planned on being a Goliath, but would strive to be a David.

In those short few minutes, I realized that these Davids aren't only overcoming their Goliaths, but destroying them. They aren't known very well. In fact I doubt the world knows who 99.9999% of these 'Davids' are, yet they carry on doing what they do because they know who is looking at them as the 'popular' ones, the most important person to be considered popular by, Heavenly Father. They're throwing their stones, not to hurt those Goliaths, but to defend themselves and their families against the danger they impose upon them.

In God's eyes, these Davids are no longer losing at all, but rather these Goliaths, who are starting to look more and more like Froggers in my eyes. Food for thought.

The Goal of GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLL!!!s

Today I created one of my hardest goals I've ever decided to try. One that will test my strength, my man(boy)hood and my courage. This goal will change my life, forever. I know that if I'm able to accomplish this goal, I'll have a successful, wonderful life. What is this goal you ask? I'm going to start... Making goals! What was this inspiration you may ask? A Spanish futbol announcer.
Usually when I watch T.V., my brain is not only turned off, but unplugged, taken out and saved for a different time. Yet for this one time, my brain decided to turn on it's own on switch and jump straight back into my head. Commercials are for advertising, but this one was for inspiring. It consisted of two people playing a normal game of chess and one crazed Spanish announcer yelling GOOOOOAAAALLL in the background. Now for most people, this is just another funny, yet cheesy car insurance commercial, but for me, at that moment, it was an inspiration. It gave me what I needed to start my goals.
In our society, we take goals for granted. We always have amazing New Years goals that last up to a month, after that month is over, we ditch those and return to our brainless couch potato state of mind. We set our goals so far away from reality that they are no longer goals, but dreams. I will never get a six pack in 3 months. Though it is definitely possible, it's far from probable. We need to start setting the probable goals. The goals that are as simple as eating 3 meals a day. Start with the small goals and increase the intensity of these goals until they are where we need them. We see it everyday. Even our President does it. He sees a bad economy and creates an impossible goal or dream to fix it in four years. These goals only hurt our situations, they make us weaker and weaker. Everytime we fail, we get discouraged and our dreams get smaller and smaller. Some say we're raised to fail. I think we just learn to create impossible goals. As we notice from the Presidents goal, it's not that the goal was not probable, but that it was impossible and we see that our economy has only suffered from his goals.
Stopping dreams is not what I'm saying needs to stop. As Gail Devers says, "Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe." With out these dreams, we have no reason to carry on, because there's nothing to hope for. But making our goals our dreams solely is what leads us away from happiness. We can, no we must have dreams, but those dreams can be acheived through small goals.
If we use these goals, they lead to the achieving of our dreams, but we cannot set one goal that is just a dream.
Ya never know, by achieving these small goals, we might be shouting for GOOOOOOAAAAALLLS with my Spanish friend!
Food for thought

Two Peas in an I-Pod :D

So here I am. Sitting on my couch when I read the phrase 'two peas in a pod', and the first thing that came to my mind was not a vegetable, but in fact it was a musical device. It seems today, at least to me that phrases like this take on a whole new meaning! You think of two people sharing an i-Pod, one ear phone in an ear of two people and you think of them being 'two peas in a pod', either being 'besties' 'bff's' or 'gf-bf's'. It's funny that phrases that were used years ago are here today, they just take on a whole new meaning. If I were to go outside 100 years ago and express how 'gay' I was, people would come to hear my stories of happiness and joy. Now, if I were to go out today and express my 'gay-ness' people would look at me with concern and partial fear, being protective of their male friends. Or let's say I heard some one yelling and I said to them, "Cut the gas!" they would question if someone had a bad set of mexican food or if there was a leak somewhere, whereas I say that to someone in the 1950's and they would know to be quiet! Things to consider is why this language changes so much from then to now, why can't we keep the same meanings? I think it all starts with one. There are so many things that all start with one. Someone hadn't heard the phrase from the 50's and decided it sounded dumb, more would join until it snowballed to where it's not just that it's no longer cool, but that it's just not heard of, and they create a different meaning for themselves. Most of these phrases become disgusting to many ears or offensive. Now being happy, 'too happy' is gay, and any 50's phrase just means you're a 'hippie' (which we all know is a TOTALLY different time period) and now the first thing we think of when hearing the word pod is a music device. Funny how times change! Now, if you'll excuse me, my bff and I are going to go be two peas with my i-Pod. :D

The Times of Prep

Sometimes it seems like the only way that I will get my call is by preparation. This past few days I have not only felt unprepared for anything that will come, but I haven't focused one tiny bit on my preparation. I have tried so valiantly for months, I need to get over this stupid stupid bump that I'm set in. I would love some help :). Only problem is this, Jonny doesn't know who to ask! I feel like I'm back in my rut, where I have no best friend, and I was hoping that would go away very quickly when regaining a few long lost friends, but still, I have no best friend! I am so confused. Anyway, I will go up after this post and ready, negatory, I will STUDY my scriptures fully. Sometimes we find that we're just reading to read, and at some points in life that is what needs to happen, but at this time, I need to read, not only to read, learn and feel the spirit, but to participate in studying WITH the spirit as my guide. With it as my light. With the spirit as my all in all. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, and yet it's a terrible thing to trust as well. I can no longer trust in what my 'physical needs as a teenage boy' are, as that is what I have so heavily relied on my entire life, but in what my 'SPIRITUAL NEEDS AS A SERVANT OF MY HEAVENLY FATHER' are. The word SERVANT is a very funny and interesting word. When used in the 1800's that word started a war. When used in feudel
China, it would save a life to be the servant of a king. Yet when used in the context of a missionary, it becomes a sacred word, one that can only describe what a missionary truly does. We serve. We are servants of a king. I am what will end an eternal war with Lucifer for some of those that are in need of my service. In times past, servants have been given or shipped because of their race. Now I, as a servant of my Savior, my brother, am chosen to be shipped and given to a certain mission by my religion. Other servants devote themselves to their master. But in my situation, if I devote my whole heart, my mind, my all, my Master will devote Himself to me. There is no better deal. I'm trading two years of my life (which would be a tenth of my life so far, funny how the tithes work in lives as well :D) for a lifetime of my Savior by my side, leading me to the path that should be chosen. It sounds like a steal, yet all He asks is for me to do my best to not only bring sould to Him, but to stay with Him so that I can continue in this service. A life time of service on my part is worth a life time of guidence on His part. Oh the joys of the gospel. There honestly is nothing better. No person, no attribute, no thing can come anywhere near the joy the gospel will bring.

A Song of the Heart

Today was awesome! I absolutely loved this entire day! I got to go film for 4 hours! I filmed like 14 episodes for those Spanish speakers today, and that was awesome. It was good to find something that requires me to do a lot of acting, but still be able to help people. That was absolutely amazing to feel myself already helping someone, even though it's not even up, nor is it even all the way done, or being used, but it's good to know that I'm going to be able to help as many people as will help themselves. I also go to do service, by cleaning the church and just helping my mom out. I love being able to just help people. I think that's what my career will be eventually, because I feel accomplished when someone else feel satisfied with my work. Also, I wrote the SWEETEST song ever... Oh I'm so excited! It's actually pretty dang good! I love the lyrics that go along with the sweet chord progressions. I think it's actually decent this time... I've struck out on about every othere song lol but this one is a winner! Hopefully I'll be able to do something with it aka record it sometime... See ya!

The week of awesome, sad, hurt and yet total satisfaction :)

So as you can tell from the title, this was a week of MANY MANY mixed emotions, feelings and excitement! So I got to go to a few rehearsals for SOTW and it was... Amazing. The fact that I got to combine two of my favorite things, the gospel of Jesus Christ and acting, is the greatest combination since crackers and spray on cheese. I felt so accomplished that I had finally made something that would put me in a better place spiritually AND let me teach people about the gospel when the show was over. This is about as good as it gets I believe. My sad, hurt during the week was kinda a rough situation. I just don't understand somethings sometimes lol, but that's fine, right? It's called letting go. I believe the song, 'The Hardest Part of Love', from Children of Eden describes it perfectly in the chorus, 'The hardest part of love, is the letting go.' This is so true for anyone who has ever been hurt by someone they love. It's a weird feeling because you're just shocked. You can't cry, you can't argue you can't even be rude... You're just hurt and wondering why and why. Anyway, it's dead and done with, I'm over it. Also today in my church, I had so many spiritual insights! It was amazing how much could just rush through my brain! I wrote as many as I could remember down, and I'm thinking I need to carry something around at times when I just have moments to think, because it's those moments that I get those awesome insights into my life. Lastly, I can't wait to head on my mission. Ever since I was young I remember looking up to missionaries and saying, "That's what I wanna be when I get big.", and that's finally what I'm gonna be now that I'm big :) I don't have to worry about growing and extra foot or two, that's happened. Now I'm just growing a few spiritual feet so I can help people along their journeys. The world is sure hard to get around when you don't have a solid, strong foot to walk with, and spiritual journeys are worse when you don't have a strong, testimony based foot to support you in the hard times. It's time to become a miracle worker and grow some feet... Maybe that's what the Mircale Grow formula REALLY grows... Food for thought ;)

Teacher...?

Today was a very neat experience for me! I got to go to the classes of Mr. Johnson and teach them! I have never truly considered being a teacher something to do for fun or for a career, but after today it became a serious bonus choice for me. Just working with those kids was such an amazing experience! I loved every minute of it and couldn't believe how fast time flew by just being able to direct and help those kids in all that they needed. I felt like the expert of Shakespeare, if you will. I didn't want to stop and ended up coming back for more (which, surprisingly, is the first time coming back for more benefitted me) to help a few of those that either didn't get help or didn't have enough time in class. So basically, my little brother Benjamin did a very good job on his monolgue, doing a very believable rendition of Richard II. I was blown away by his already fantastic blocking and the way that HE understood both the language and the double meanings. He's a very smart young man and has the potential to become a great actor. I would not be surprised to see him leading the shows this year, or the next! I gave him a few pointers, but didn't have to tell him much to get him to where, I thought, he was comfortable. He has so many new things to do and I'm very excited to see him not only excel down at the festival, but to win. My one regret from highschool is that I was never able to win in scenes or monologues in my 3 trips down to the festival. I was always envious of those that could. I sure hop that they'll make my dreams come true by being able to live my dream.... It's funny how one person being sick can change peoples lives and put an ever-lasting opinion on your own personal life in the mean time. I guess, in some way, I'm glad that Mr. Johnson was sick today. Oh how the Lord works in mysterious ways!

Confused Excitement

Well, yesterday was quite the exciting day if I do say so myself! I got cast as the part of Rueben in Savior of the World! I was freaking out and just extremely excited to get that and I also had a great interview with a company that I think might hire me... Hopefully they will. It's this awesome company that will have me doing things like what they do on Rosetta Stone, where I'll be teaching people of different languages how to speak English through videos. I'm getting really excited for my mission and just went to the temple yesterday for the first time in a while. It was so amazing! I love that place more than anything else. I don't really know, but I think something is up with one of my friends. They keep acting different.. I think they're a little bit saddened or something... See ya

Scripts!

So basically this is my first blogging experience.... It's also one of the greatest ones too!
I took a trip down to California to meet my sisters new baby! The beautiful young Zander Daveline! Anyway, I was down there and I met with my cousin, Travis Clawson Jr. and his group of friends... They were an inspirational and just perfect for a script or book! So... Guess what?! Jonny is going to start trying to write a script or book! I'm thinking it will be called one of two names. Either "Saints Among Surfers" or "Shore Side Saints". I'm not sure on which title will be better. I love saints among surfers, but I guess it's one of those things that you don't know until the whole thing is written. I'm a little worried that I won't even come close to finishing it or doing it correctly by the time that it's mission time, so what happens after that? Do I continue my writing while on the mission? I think not. I think it's more of a situation where I see how much I can get done before, and hope that I can keep my ideas fresh for when I come home. Obviously writing a book isn't just a short little four month thing that can happen within a few hours, but I guess there are some things that just flow through you, right?
I'm really excited because these kids have such amazing stories of conversion and trials. Obviously I'm going to have to spice it up a little bit by adding my own exaggerating touch to their stories, just to get the book sold, but still it will be fantastic if I can get the feel right and get the stories out correctly. I doubt I'll be through the first chapter/act by the time I'm leaving on my mission, but it's worth a try!
Carry on :D